do you know these movies 

that kinda change your perspective, your view on life?

like afterwards, after you watch them 

and leave the cinema you don't get them out of your head.

and you want to change something by yourself. in your life.

and maybe it's not even the movie itsself that stucks in your head

- it's the thoughts, the meaning and happiness or sadness 

which the film made you feel.

and you want that as well. 

but for real. 

in your life.

i don't know if i am only speaking for myself. 

if i am just a weirdo and totally alone with these kind of feelings. 

but at the end of the story they are just making my life and my thoughts more miserable 

than they were before. 

because actually i just notice that there is something missing 

in my life or in my head because of the film. 

because i see how i want it to be 

or how i would imagine it to be perfect.

i love those films.

 but i also hate them more than everything. 

i know that these are all fictionals movies 

and that they aren't the reality.

 but what if i want them to be real?

 

i want to believe in happy endings and in fairytales 

and miracles and that everything is going to end up good 

and if it's not good and perfect then that's not the end. 

that's what makes me getting up in the morning day after day after day. 

that's what makes me hope. 

hope for the better days. 

hope for a new tommorrow.

 hope for my own hoplessness.

i know i've been away on this blog a long long time

but it was just too much to handle in this period of time

i hope you'll excuse

so a week ago i had my oral exams in english 

which went pretty well

sadly only for me,

 felix wasn't that happy with his mark

and now it's only one week 

untill we have easter break 

and i am so looking forward to it

even though i'll have to study the whole holidays 

because we have our exams 

in german, english and maths right afterwards.

oh, did i mention that maths is like the worst thing 

that got ever invented? probably not.

i also just finished 'the help' - do you know it? 

i wasn't really happy with the book but i figured that the whole topic itsself is really interesting.

 and recently i watched a lovely, lovely movie 

which has made this song to my new cheer-me-up song.

 and it really does his job from time to time.

so many pointless pictures with no right to exist.

but well, what am i supposed to do?